This Is My December
by MiLoV
Summary: What else is there to do than to sit upon a roof and reminisce on what could have been or what should have been?This is a Jess story-kind of angsty but not really.


Disclaimer: I own nuthing at all...oh what a sad world we live in.  
  
Summary: Jess is still living in New York, it's the anniversary of his father's departure and he's very sad. What else is there to do than to sit upon a roof and reminisce on what could have been or what should have been?  
  
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Jess Mariano sat on his rooftop, thinking. He'd always gone up there, even when he was little. As soon as he was tall enough to reach the ledge up he would go everynight to avoid the constant noises comming from the room next to his own. It was freezing, the December cold began getting to him. He pulled his arms around himself, trying to block out the wind that pierced his face like daggers.  
  
Today was the anniversary of when his father left. Every year, on the anniversary of his father's departure, something horrible would happen. It never failed. On this particular anniversary, his girlfriend-the one he actually cared about- broke up with him after telling him how much she hated him. Andy...that was her name. She seemed so distant now....she had mattered to him, but there was nothing he could do now. She was gone from his life forever.  
  
He loved the cold....it numbed his pain and with one swift breeze of winter- seemed to take his broken heart with it.  
  
this is my December  
  
This is my time of the year  
  
This is my December  
  
This is all so clear  
  
It had snowed the night before so he was sitting in a pile of snow. He ran his finger through it, making a line. It would be getting dark soon but he really didn't feel like getting up and facing his mother. This night was always depressing for her. She would always find some way of getting her mind off of *him*. Last year, he told her to get a grip and she had slapped him clear across the face. That was the one thing she had NEVER done-was hit him. After that, he had never felt so alone.  
  
He often wondered what could have been, if his father had stayed. Would he have turned out the way he did? Would he have remained as innocent as a child? Would he have been doing better in school? He should be happy, but no thanks to his father-he wasn't.  
  
This is my December  
  
This is my snow covered home  
  
This is my December  
  
This is me alone  
  
He wished that there was someone that could come in and save him from himself. There was no one. He always felt this hole in his life. Something was definitely missing.  
  
And I  
  
Just wish that i didnt feel  
  
Like there was something i missed  
  
He and Andy had been happy until one day he yelled at her. He told her that she needed to leave him alone and stop asking him what was the matter. He wanted to tell her what was wrong, but his walls would never come down long enough. He would have done anything to take back what he said to her that night.  
  
And I  
  
Take back all the things i said  
  
To make you feel like that  
  
And I  
  
Just wish that i didnt feel  
  
Like there was something i missed  
  
And I  
  
Take back all the things i said to you  
  
He got up and jumped off of the roof onto the firescape and climbed back into his bedroom. There were still noises....he had to leave...just get out of the house for a little while. He left the apartment and started walking. He didn't know where exactly he was walking to, but he continued anyway. His feet had a mind of their own.  
  
And i give it all away  
  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
  
*I wish someone loved me.* he thought. There he went again, talking to himself. But...he was the only one he could talk to.  
  
Give it all away  
  
To have someone to come home to  
  
He kept walking, passing coffee shops, random stores, and a couple of gangs who he happen to know. He gave them small nods as he passed by...it wasn't like they were friends or anything....just mere acquaintances. When he was little, he had always wanted to grow up and become a guidance counselor...some how help kids that were just like himself to get away from their problems....but that was gone now. Who would want a guidance counselor like him. He was so screwed up.  
  
This is my December  
  
These are my snow covered dreams  
  
This is me pretending  
  
This is all i need  
  
He saw his favorite bookstore ahead. He picked up his pace and when he finally reached it, he felt a wave of relief flow over him. He was now somewhere he could blend in, disappear. That's all he ever wanted.  
  
And I  
  
Just wish that i didnt feel  
  
Like there was something i missed  
  
And I  
  
Take back all the things i said  
  
To make you feel like that  
  
He sighed, picked up a random book and sat down on one of the couches. He, unfortunately, could not concentrate. His thoughts kept going back to Andy. If he had just let her in, things would have turned out for the better.  
  
And I  
  
Just wish that i didnt feel  
  
Like there was something i missed  
  
And I  
  
Take back all the things i said to you  
  
He stood up, tring to find another book. One that was more interesting and that could capture his attention away from Andy. As soon as he stood up he slammed into someone, making her drop all of the books in her hands.  
  
And i give it all away  
  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
  
Give it all away  
  
To have someone to come home to  
  
"Sorry." He said as walked by. He didn't want to help clean up the mess. He already had to clean up his own mess of a life. He finally left the bookstore in frustration and began walking down the street. It was still cold, maybe colder than before and he tightened his jacket around himself. It started to snow, leaving it's evidence on his jacket and in his hair.  
  
This is my December  
  
This is my time of the year  
  
This is my December  
  
This is all so clear  
  
As he rounded the corner, he slammed into yet another person. "Ah jeez, sorry." This time, he took the time to help this person.  
  
"It's ok. That corner is very dangerous, so I've found out today. I've run into three people, four including you." She laughed whole-heartedly. He smiled a little as he passed her the rest of things she had dropped. She stuck out her hand, balancing her items in the other arm. "Hi, I'm Rory." He took her hand.  
  
"Jess." He smiled, feeling electric shocks run through his body.  
  
And i give it all away  
  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
  
Give it all away  
  
To have someone to come home to  
  
"It was nice to meet you." She said as she walked past him. "Maybe I'll see you around sometime?"  
  
"Yeah, maybe...bye." He watched her for a moment and then continued his way home. Tonight was going to be long and hard, but for some reason he felt a boost of energy and...hope.  
  
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A/N: I hope you liked this! It's a one-parter unless for some reason I decide later that I want to add more. But anyways, I don't know if this is original or not...but I hope you guys like this anyway. The song is by Linkin Park called My December.....PLEASE REVIEW!!!! 


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